life is good

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

Conclusion. I have it. Kept thinking that if I could just change my mind and like Y that that would just be best for everyone. An added bonus - staying together even longer would really upset his parents. I thought I must be crazy for turning away someone so good to me. All anyone had ever said about Y were good things. amazing things. I started to believe that he must be perfect and I must just be crazy. all it took to break this long era of self doubt was one mutual friend who - after spending 5 days straight with Y - expressed some mild annoyances. the same stupid things that had annoyed me. and they were stupid. and they were minor. and it was a brief fleeting moment of our night. but it felt so…redeeming.
not to say that I need someone to share my feelings in order to make them valid - but seriously - 2 years of hearing about his flawless selfless amazingness would make anyone crazy. and desperate to hear some criticism. ugh. i want more.
I’m also hoping things are good there. but i’ll wait to check til after finals. which are killing me. not really, but they’re not adding much to my quality of life. had my two hardest today. no idea how i pulled them off. it doesn’t stop for the next week but it won’t be as bad as today. managable. sleepless though. finishing sentences has gotten a lot harder in the last hour or so. i’m thinking sleep would be the best decision right now. gonna go see if it’s around.