life is good

haha, yea i considered a disclaimer at the top since you’re my one and only reader, but i decided instead to just write pretending i had complete anonymity.  
the LJ and the PG were both conveniently yet legitimately out of town:) The food was great and the company was amazing and awkward-moment free! no sake, too much champagne, a great night all around.

(and a call from the LJ saying he’s planning a get together w/ me and the PG soon. so the probability of making it out of this semester awkward-situation-free is still not looking so good.)

i promise to keep my audience in mind in future posts:)

 

i’m single now. i miss Y, but i f-ing love it. singlness. i just don’t think i’m very good at it so far.

so there’s the lumberjack. who’s decent and who likes me, but who turned from the most easy-to-be-around guy i know into the most awkward person on the planet. there may be a reason for this sudden change in awkwardness, but we’ll go ahead and omit that for now. there’s the lumberjack.
(okay fine. he was my panic-drink-myself-retarded-hookup-w/-anyone-who’s-not-Y guy. twice.)

then there’s platonic guy. who totally caught me off guard. in his defense, i’m retarded: i went back to his house for a ’sleepover’ b/c it was raining and cold and 10 times closer and he said he’d drive me to class the next morning. he invited another person back too, but they disappeared. i thought the sleepover would be great - b/c we’re just. that. platonic. i’m [insert PC word for 'retarded' here]. anyway - there’s more there, but i’m gonna just skip it get onto my weekend plans.

so the lumberjack, platonic guy, and i are all friends from last year - we met at the same thing and hung out constantly. there’s another guy too who we’re all friends with, and he’s organized a get together dinner - which have always been awesome, - so that we can all get together before thanksgiving.

ALL of us - the awkward lumberjack, his good friend platonic guy, and person #4. who knows nothing about my questionable behaviour with certain other members of the group.

that’s happening this friday at a nice hibachi sushi place downtown. the LJ doesn’t - and can’t ever - know about the LBG-platonic guy-sleepover, even though little happened b/c i pushed him off b/c he’s PLATONIC guy.

i’ll let you know how this one turns out. for now i’m just excited to see what friday night brings. it may bring sake all around so that each member of this fantastic reunion can deal with the situation.

anyway that’s my story. there’s more lot’s more. but i’ll hold on to that for now.

t-minus 5 days til i get to go HOME!!

wow i really hope there’s no way that this blog is not anonymous..

‘There is no reason to try to escape’ astrology says. Clearly, the stars don’t understand these past 3.5 years. It’s nice here. Running water, stability, no wars, enough food, luxuries. I know I’m lucky. Gratefulness: acknowledged.

There exist however, multiple multiple reasons for escape. Escape attempts, perhaps not justifiable, would be at least understandable. Especially after glancing over at the ‘daily planner’, and breaking it into hourly and monthly view. oh things are getting ugly.

and on a petty social note - i don’t want to go. i would’ve turned you down. but why didn’t you ask. shithead. you always asked. i’m so..pissed? hurt? idk yet? that yet again someone i considered such a good friend with amazing-friend status potential was simultaneously considering the best time to try to make out with me. and of course when that didn’t go as PB had planned, (and was certainly not what i had freaking planned), there is no friendship.

it’s good you know, i can’t even keep up with/find time for any of the friends i have now. horrible as it sounds.  and with finals, etc coming i’m only gonna get less available and flakier. i tend to isolate when i’ve got this much to do, b/c i can find disctractions in inanimate objects, so friends are out of the question. so good. glad it turns out he sucks.

Well a temporary escape is valid. sweet sweet slumber filled with turkey feast dreams and thoughts of home as defined by a group of 4 girls in NY. yea, this day can be over now.

“Nevertheless, there is no reason to try to escape, for you can learn something very important from this experience. Engaging the unknown now can open the door to an easier time just ahead.”

i wrote a long effort-requiring self-expressing post full of wit and information, and my computer timed out and erased it. that’s it this night is over. all i have left is:

“the benefits of his unenthusiasm include his willingness to sign off on just about any sheet of paper slash sheets of statements of bended truth that i place within reach and provide a pen.”

and:

additional info included: i’m capable. i’m amazing. i’m tired.

i’ve got a LOT of work ahead of me.

i apparently have 3 jobs. realized only b/c all 3 happened to call me in today.
i’m tired.

the real post was so much better. i hate you blog.com. you robbed me of my venting.

think the rougher bits are over. the part where everything seemed to be going wrong. and this is coming from an lbg whose current status is severely sleepless, in significant debt to the state that i’m currently living in, tons of work to do, an empty tank, finals approaching, flaking out on friends, and, well, i’m hungry.

that wasn’t supposed to be a list of complaints, but since it headed in that direction i threw that last one on because i have a while before i get to eat. currently waiting for my last obligation - last real obligation - of the day to begin. it comes with dinner. i’m hoping a warm one. my last meeting got out early so i have time to, you know, work on that huge essay due, my thesis, my life, etc, but i’m so cracked out right now that i can barely handle checking my email. and so i blog.

apparently i can’t nap. i mean it’s no big shock that i’m not good at falling asleep any time that it’s appropriate to be sleeping, but i thought surely, with all the (admittedly self-inflicted in last night’s case) lack of sleep going on i thought napping would be inevitable. instead i layed around useless for a loong part of the day and then gave up and ran my little heart out for 20 minutes so that i had enough energy to make it to these meetings. i hate breathing in the cold air when i run.

began the week by oversleeping triathalon training by 5 minutes, running to the pool after taking 1 sip of water, jumping in to catch up (b/c swimming is the one thing i can do), and then throwing my shoes and clothes back on to go run. it was transition practice. it was 40 degrees. i was soaking wet and dressed in my summer running clothes b/c they were closest to me on the floor wondering why everyone else had hats, scarves, sweatshirts, etc. - apparently you get dressed up really warmly to run when it’s below 40, etc - but no one told me that. i know it’s called ‘triathalon training’ not ‘intro to triathalon’, but help a sister out. my snot was turning to icicle and i got back to the room hacking up a lung.

i proceeded to OD on vitamin c, zinc, free samples of immune-boosting pills from whole foods, and whatever else i found in my little medicine drawer and headed to econ. my roomate and ra told me i sounded pathetic. and fine, i did, but 4 billion grams of vitamin later, i’ve barely got a sniffle.

think i’m gonna head to the sports store this weekend and ask them to keep me warm.

Y says “you’ve always had a low threshold for sleeping”. which i got a kick out of: 1. b/c you know he pronounced it ‘treshhold’ and 2. b/c i’m not sure quite what that means but i agree - OR, disagree angrily now that i think about it.. hmmm…
he’s good in my life again. he needed time. as *everyone* told me would happen. think i’ll give in and admit i don’t know what’s best w/ this one situation. but only this one.

i’m in a hillel building and the staff all left an hour ago. this is the best place to study *ever*. too bad i’m not. maybe there’s food…maybe i could find the thermostat before the seminar starts…