well i must be fine cause my heart’s still beating
going crazy crazy crazy. things were going so well for so long. i’ve been avoiding about 90% of my friends here recently because they all adore Y and bring him up in every conversation. so to avoid that i just disappear. another 5% know something that i also would like to avoid at all costs, so that’s also a no-go. so to avoid dealing with any aspect of this situation for as long as possible, i’ve gone friendless. well, not entirely friendless. there are one or two good ones left, but it’s gotten a smidge lonely still.
being alone sounds amazing and frightening at the same time. i’ve decided that in the long run this is definitely what i want, but have a really strong feeling that the short run is going to be a slow and painful process. not looking forward to the short run.
still not sure quite what i want, just know that this isn’t it..
anyway. no, there is no anyway. embarrassingly enough, this is what’s eating up the majority of my time. always always on my mind and not in a good way at all.
NB’s not doing too well and Mr P’s moving to South Africa next year, school’s kicking my ass slowly… nothing else too notable is happening. actually there may very well be extraordinary things happening, but my mind is all on this one stupid situation that i’m putting so much energy into not facing. ironically enough.
alright i’m going to go read. i’ll write a happier post next time. oodles of good news and joy. OODLES.
after reading i’m probably going to go out with friend #2 and co. and drink excessively. which is so not like the recent lbg. i’ve been so consistently content the past few years. and now i’m thinking that a bottle of champagne will greatly aid my judgement and attempts at solving this situation. i’ve made so many bad decisions lately though, maybe it’s only up from here? <– completely false.
if i happen to do any more ridiculously embarrassing things or make any other poor life decisions (85% chance one or both of those occur by the end of the night), i’ll keep the blog updated. afterall, blog has now risen to friend slot #3.
