life is good

soo…i don’t want to jinx anything, but there’s a slight possibility i’ll end up in DC this summer (i hope i hope i hope i hope i hope). i’ve gotten past the application stage, and am waiting to hear back about the interview stage. the interview happened, but i think 1 or 2 of my responses were or ended in ‘mm..i don’t know (giggle)’. PAINFUL. ‘idk’ is not an acceptable answer to interview questions unless you’re intentionally trying to not get the job. noo idea what i was thinking. nervous. really nervous. in the end i just said, weakly, the same sentence over and over “k, sounds good, thank you”, “k, sounds good, thank you”. egads.
there’s also the fact that the slot i’ve applied for ‘requires’ candidates to have an MBA and fluency in Spanish. i have neither, but nonetheless think that i would make an excellent candidate.
my other plan includes an all-expenses-paid trip w/ the Dept of State to Hong Kong, which i really wish i had known was as competitive as it is.. i’m highly eligible for this one too, but i feel like maybe instead of 10 (dc), more like 10 thousand other candidates are also quite eligible. idk, we’ll see. there are back-up plans. there’s a possibility that an amazing grant will decide to give my sorry sorry excuse for an application 4,000+ dollars. who knows.
i have this tendency to only apply to ‘impossible’ things..
i make especially little sense this year, as the most ‘impossible’ and ‘best’ opportunities i’ve applied for are the ones i want the least.
what i want, is to work my asstocks off for the non-paying domestic internship. what i realize, is that if the Dept of State, for whatever reason, decides to offer me a free-ride to Hong Kong, an internship, schooling, accomodation, food, and a stipend for other needs, that i will be on a plane to HK. possibly also ruining my relationship with the DC job which i would at least one day love..

and - don’t tell mr p - but if worse comes to worse, the plan x is summer school. taking classes, getting a job, doing some yoga.. sounds kinda nice. financially not the best maybe and after the big graduation fall-out could be considered a slap in the face, but mentally it would allow me to possibly keep a chunk of sanity next year while doing honors thesis and too many hours and whatnot. but, this would also be a luxury of sorts and will be avoided and discussed (again) in depth w/ mr p.

anyway, as a groveling undergraduate no one let’s you know anything about your life until right beforehand - until they need you to know. so what am i doing this summer? question of the month - i don’t know. i don’t know where i’ll be living a month from now. idk where i’ll be working, which continent i’ll be on, or how much more in debt that will place me.
for now, i’m okay with that.

i like the groveling undergrad role. it suits me. for now. and for one more glorious year. and then… oh man. if i think the ‘what are you doing this summer’ question’s bad, i’m gonna be facing some real tough times when it gets close to graduation..