life is good

okay. so this started out as an email to my friends in ny. but then i didn’t send it so i’m posting it and other rambles here. ujb - if you read this, please don’t take it seriously. just wanted a place to ramble all my worries, etc. without making other ppl upset.

things here are okay. i sent out an email yesterday to my mom and dad saying that idk what they saw on the media but it’s not as bad as they’re making it sound.

to be honest though, it’s not the ideal situation. i’m in a safe place in beirut and i contacted the us embassy to let them know i’m here. which was mildly useless. guy gets 3 calls a day from his country’s embassy making sure he’s feeling super, and i can’t even get myself on the freaking listserve for the us embassy.

this sounds awful - but i’m not gonna lie - about 3 days ago i was really upset b/c of everyone in lebanon hurting or watching their newly-rebuilt country crumbling once again, but also mildly excited by being around all of this.

but it’s not exciting anymore i want it to stop.
sorry to send you guys an email like this, but everytime i talk to other ppl i have to be like ‘no everything’s peachy’. and i don’t want to be dramatic. things will be fine. but idk when they’re going to settle this. i think it’ll be soon. but my flight out on sunday morning isn’t happening.

having the option of getting out is all i want. it’d be nice if everyone had that option.

israel bombed the north, the south, the ports, the highways, and the airport. twice. so air,
land, and sea are out. i could probably get a taxi or bus across to jordan though - which
is only dangerous for a few hours on the border, but that means i have to pass through
damascus - and syria is not a fan of americans. i know, b/c i called the embassy to see
if i could just get a transit visa to pass through, and they gave it a big hell no.

(update since i wrote this: it’s really dangerous and expensive as hell - and that’s if i can even find a taxi to take me to syria/the syrian border. where there are fairly frequent bombs.)

i’m at work now. so’s everyone, i don’t think they’ve left from last night.

last night we went to a friend’s house to watch cnn. it’s our only friends left here - a couple. the rest have all fled.

i’m glad i didn’t mention my little lebanon trip to too many ppl. better to mention it when back on us soil.

we hear bombs and guns and explosions a lot - maybe 2 each hour today. it’s hard to tell which side it’s coming from - though usually it’s the israelis. they’ve gotten louder and today were really close. before we could see smoke and flames and other things that i’m not sure what they were, but it was miles away - at least 10. but now today they hit the lighthouse (about 200m away) and inside manara - which is the district i live in. it was on the other side of manara though. it’s just so loud that it sounds closer than it really is. 

today guy and malek went towards the south to bring food to malek’s parents. rockets flew past above malek’s car and exploded 100ft from where they were. guy and malek came right back reeking of smoke. stupid stupid boys. with defective defective survival instincts.

honestly, it’s just that i’m not used to this. spoiled safe american life. where we’re staying is in b/t 2 american universities - w/in 2 minute walking distance of AUB the major one. it’s in a church. in a muslim area. and probably the safest part of the city. i am safe. i am not alone. and i am well-fed. - even found an internet cafe that’s open. and one restaurant.

i’d be perfectly fine if i had the reassurance that at some point before china/school starts i could get out. and it looks like i’m out of luck there.