just wondering.
idk how long i’ve been a part of this ‘real’ world where people aren’t invincible and unsolvable problems exist, but if it’s like this - trivialities up and down with random unpredictable tragedy thrown in - i’m gonna have to get a whole lot stronger. stat. -start not letting things get to me so much..
i’m just wondering if this real world thing that i’ve been thrown into is gonna be like this from now on.
MrP says that i just know too many people who do too many drugs. and while i agree, and while i hate drugs with an ever-growing passion, i can’t cut-off all contact with the people who don’t hate them. i would lose all my friends and a good chunk of my family.. all for the sake of self-preservation? - that’s not a solution there..
Richard Wilbur would say that death teaches the ’supreme value of attachment’. value. i’m usually so good at finding value in bad situations but when it comes to this it’s just words. nothing genuine. words. -and while all the right ones are streaming out of my mouth, ‘why’, ‘that’s so stupid’, and ‘why’ are floating around my reckless mind.
Wilbur’s thinking is that loss is the consequence of falling back in love with the world: “you can’t value anything unless you’re willing to lose it” Wilbur says.
I’m not willing. or ready. or capable. What i am is a mild mild mess. without the mild. -and maybe it’s just being dramatic. maybe it’s the third glass of wine. maybe it’s that i haven’t been sheltered from things lately..idk. but i’m gonna go ahead and just write vent whine. wine.
all my rambles rambles..All i want to say is Rest in Peace D. Live in Peace DF family and friends. and as for my own family and friends - I won’t even ask that much: you can live in chaos. just live.
life is good. my life. is good. right now. and there should be no guilt in that.
RIP DF.
