life is good

• The will to win means nothing without the will to prepare.

life is great. i complain too much. it’s like instinct. random questions like ‘how are you’ ‘how was the test’ etc, i never give peppy answers. most of the time it’s something like ‘tired’ ‘over’ ‘eh’. dazed.

exams today from 8-5. didn’t do so great and spent the last week in bed/doctor’s office being sicker than i ever have. that i remember anyway. word on the street is i had diseases like dysentery and such when i was young and i’m sure those sucked. but this last week, aside from having awful timing, was the sickest i can remember being. 

i had so much else to say….calls. so many calls and interruptions. busy busy.  

Bukowski: “Life’s as good as you let it be.”

Oh, what’s that you say? You hate your job? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYONE, and they meet at the bar.

wow i just scrolled down, and this is not so much an ‘online journal’, as it is a collection of mid-morning whinings about sleeplessness. i thought i was holding back on that too - 5am last night i was tempted to sign on.. what i really want to do at that point is see someone/talk to someone - get some reassurance that i am not the only conscious human. whining to a real person would maybe be more gratifying but i feel like i’d run out of friends after a bit - at least ones willing to pick up their phones. and so i blog. and maintain some friendships. thank you blog.com.

i never sleep.

soo many things to look forward to - just as soon as next tuesday’s over. exciting.

was going to ramble but i think i’m gonna go write - the typing might wake the roommate.

put my rambles on paper.

so excited for the next weeks to be over. so much has to happen before then..egads.

rediscovered why i love to swim. slept til 3. made waffles. it’s been a good day. 3 weeks.

food replaced by multivitamins. sleep replaced by caffeine. dental hygeine replaced by trident.   

all those things that are supposedly ‘crucial’ for sustaining life are really more optional than i thought.

temporary.

mkay. the sun is up. so am i. the difference there is that in a few hours i will be swimming a mini-marathon and the sun will not.

on the up side, one wall of my room is all window and the sun rise is gorgeous. also on the upside, the roomate didn’t come home yet so i got to blast the heat on full power all night. so lovely.

idk what to do. grab a powerbar and do some hw b/f the swim? see if that’s the decision, as soon as i get to the library w/ my books and my bar, then i’ll crash. but then if i decided to lay down and try to sleep again, it’ll just be more laying til the alarms start going off.

i feel like writing on the computer isn’t the best choice right now either way, but there’s no one awake or around anymore. why? oh because everyone else has the ability to SLEEP.

i’m here. at 6am. cause i can’t sleep. cause i never sleep. and i hate it hate it hate it.

what i love about living here, one of the things, is free food. right now outside my door there is an endless supply of free and really good food. everytime i walk out my door there’s amazing free food. why am i moving into a cottage w/ E? that’s right. cottage.
i didn’t go out tonight to celebrate my friend’s graduation, and i didn’t go out tonight to go out w/ A or E before they leave. i say i have to get up early. i say i have to swim and need to rest. i really just don’t leave my room once the temperature drops below 50 degrees. that and i stopped showering. 

seriously though, i take a random mix of herbal, chinese, OTC, and anything else i can find around that promises to induce sleep, swallow at least 3 doses of each w/ some ’sleepytime tea’, and then sit around for millions of hours waiting for sleep to come.

then i get up. sure that the next night i’ll fall fast asleep really early. and i still can’t sleep. ever. i realize everyone’s pretty sick of hearing whining about this. acupuncture? it’s supposed to be good for sleeping. i’m gonna try it after winter break…

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

tired. good night. good day. not productive..but that’s what sunday will be for.

tomorrow, will be for swimming. miles and miles of swimming. my impressive lack of attendance at swim practice this semester, and the food i just ate at S’s graduation party, has me wondering… but there’s no time limit, so i’m set. i can swim forever, i’m a distance swimmer. i just can’t do it very fast.  

wo ai shui de an.  

my right middle finger nail is asymmetrical. so are my posters. so are my thoughts. ahhhh. and sometimes sleep doesn’t come.