life is good

chuck palanhiuk’s only advice to me was don’t die. i thought that was
freaking genius.

Three years after the September 11, 2001, terror attacks, people across the United States and the world paused to remember the 2,973 people who were killed that day. As dusk fell in New York City, two beams of light shone into the sky in tribute to those killed and those who worked so hard to get the city through its greatest trial.

-cnn

so the part of my brain that takes care of normal everyday things that people take care of, it’s drunk. it’s drunk itself retarded. this year, 2004, starting in january, anything that i worked hard for, cared about, could be proud of, deteriorated. just absolutely collapsed. i just stopped taking care of myself, stopped working, stopped caring, stopped doing anything that you can be proud of. i started living only for fun, absolutely for the moment. pleasure seeker. and it was fun. no regrets - haha i regret absolutely everything i do, but no it was all completely and entirely worth it. well, minus about 1 night towards the end. it’s just that now it’s time to clean up. second semester senior year is over. the summer, though i hate to admit it, is over. and at the same time high school and NY and childhood kind of ended too. way too fast. but the point is i’m ready and excited to become a decent human being again. to work hard and make myself proud.

at the same time i’m drowning in good intentions. so we’ll see.

i’ll keep you updated. ‘you’ being absolutely no one, b/c no one can know that i have a blog. but no worries.  

and i’m kind of disappointed about this weekend. i wouldn’t have been at all. and i’m glad it worked out this way, but at the same time…that was a tease.